Get me to speak!

(Source: justbeyourself143)

Insomnia, when you sleep a maximum of one to two hours a night, or when you don’t sleep at all for days at a time.

When you suffer from this condition, you tend to ponder. At least, that’s what I do. And pondering is what I do best. Pondering, thinking, wishing, remembering. When you lie awake in your bed at night, there’s nothing else you can do, really.

I tried to write, but writing is out of the question lately. Drawing when you’re tired isn’t a big success either. Singing- not such a good idea when your parents, sister and grandmother are trying to sleep. Listening to music can be added to the previous.

When you lie awake the first night, you don’t think much of it. You just think you’re bored, and that you’re tired. You sleep an hour or two during the day, thinking you’ll be asleep at night.
The second night, you start to get frustrated. Frustrated with everything you hear, see, and think, and mostly, with yourself.
The third night, you’re starting to look for other things that make you fall asleep. You stare, eyes wide open. You start to walk around the house, you try to read, you drink something. You’re starting to live in the dark.
The fourth night, you give up. Your body and mind are entirely spent, but still you can’t seem to find some precious rest. And that’s when you start thinking. And that is exactly what you shouldn’t do.

After a while, not sleeping at all becomes normal. I stayed awake four days once, and finally, in the weekend, I slept. I slept 36 hours straight. My parents and sister couldn’t wake me, and after the third time, they gave up, since I threw something at them in my sleep. Finally, some sweet rest. It doesn’t work though, you’re still tired. Because those 36 hours have nothing on being awake for 96 hours. 

After some time, I decided to go to the doctors. I got some Temazepam, which would help me sleep. I had to take them twice a week, resulting in the following;
Sunday- I took a pill, and slept soundly.
Monday- I was awake, but intensely groggy the entire day, as an aftermath.
Tuesday- I was awake.
Wednesday- I took one again, and slept.
Thursday- I was awake, but again with the grogginess.
Friday- I was awake. 
In the weekend I slept, but that was because I was away from home in those.

After a while, I discovered it wasn’t my brain telling me I couldn’t sleep… it were my surroundings. The stress during the day made me be wide awake at night. You see, officially, we live at my grandmother’s. I have to sleep on a bad mattress in a bed 1.80m long, and when you’re 1.78m tall, that just doesn’t work. I had to sleep all folded up. There were fights there, constantly, since my grandmother couldn’t accept we couldn’t find another house. That was why I couldn’t sleep.
Now, I’m living somewhere else, just for a little while. And now, I sleep. I don’t have to think about everything anymore, just during the day.

And you know what?
That’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Good night.